Bringing Up Baby
The Channel 4 series Bringing up Baby has sparked fierce debate among
parents and the professionals charged with helping them. For those who have not watched it, the programme allocates families with new babies a mentor who follows a particular train
of thought on how to raise a baby in the first few months of life. Since the first episode,
I have been inundated with enquiries as to which of the approaches I would be the most
supportive of. The answer is simple, I think all of them have something to offer, but I
am critical of some aspects of all three.
Trubi King's method (1950s) is far too prescriptive. Families have to live their lives in a way that they feel comfortable with. No-one should be forced to stick
rigidly to a routine that must be followed to the second or to have a relationship with their
child that is devoid of cuddles, eye contact and general affection. Why bother to have a
child?
I think that it is important that there is a structure to the daytime in order that a
baby can make a clear distinction between what happens in the day and at night. This structure needs to accommodate the needs of both babies and parents and should be as flexible as possible. The Baby Sleep System works on principles, not prescription.
I do agree that babies and young children should have some fresh air everyday, although
I think that this should be a pleasant experience for both baby and parents. Where is the
fun of been thrust out on your own in the cold. A nice walk to the park or the shops where
mum and baby can see new people and experience things together is much more preferable.
The Dr Spock approach (1960s) offers the most in terms of
common sense and certainly no parent who is following the principles would be made to feel
that they are distancing themselves from their child. The emphasis on taking cues from the
baby is also something that I encourage when working with my own clients. However, a new baby often does need some help to settle into a pattern which means that it is more content.
For example, most babies like to be carried and rocked by their parents, but it is not going
to help them to develop a healthy sleep pattern or see the world from various vantage points
if they become reliant on this.
The Continuum Concept (1970s) seems to me to be very hard on mothers. Having a baby constantly attached to your breast can be stifling - I firmly believe that mothers are entitled to a break and that babies need to be able to explore their environment using their eyes, touch and hearing away from the direct contact of another human being. Couples also need to nourish their own relationship at this huge junction of change. They need time to be together as adults, enjoy each others company and not be constantly divided by a third little person. Men often express feelings of isolation when a new baby arrives on the scene. They need to feel that they are a husband as well as a father. A mum needs to feel that she is an independent person and an equal partner in an adult relationship.
Certainly, African women may well have constant contact with their offspring, they have no option and it is out of necessity. We here in Britain are more fortunate. I also have grave
reservations about how those babies are going to cope when they are put into their own beds
at night, or when the time comes for them to be removed from the constant comfort of the
mother's breast. Life is going to become very difficult for all concerned.
The Baby Sleep System combines common sense and respect for babies and parents needs. It aims to foster healthy sleep patterns for all so that baby grows up healthy, happy and contented and parents have their evenings to themselves to cement their relationship. Yes there is structure and routine, but this is combined with fun, love and quality family time. The Baby Sleep System encourages women who want to bottle or breast feed. It provides options as to how quickly and by what method you wish to teach your baby healthy sleep patterns. The System does not condemn one parenting style over another. Parents are supported and mentored rather than instructed, bullied and made to feel bad if they do not want to spend 100% of their time in skin contact with their baby. Common sense, confidence in ones own abilities and the welfare of both mother and baby are the central consideration.